let me tell you a story...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

water balloons

thank god for showtime at the fucking apollo. it is the perfect thing to watch when you're kind of drunk but not really and you're in bed and all you want to do is read myspace and compose emails that you're never going to send.

another list.
1. water balloons are probably the most hilarious thing to incorporate into a social situation.
2. olive oil makes for a very moist birthday cake.
3. you should be wary of loft parrties in soma where you don't know anyone and there's bad hard house playing in the kitchen.
4. camoflauge is hideous.
4a. not sure if i spelled that right.
5. on friday i bit the bullet and went to work and asked jack out. well, i gave him my number. we shot the shit for a second about stuff, like work and school and wherre we went to school and blah blah blah. i stood there with a wet rag in my hand and my apron hardly on. before he left, i said "hey jack. we should hang out sometime." his voice squeaked when he said "sure". it was adorable. i sprinted to thecounter, fumbled for something to write on and then scrawled my name and number. my hand was shaking. after this, i made some ccomment about god knows fucking what and then sprinted to the backroom where i proceeded to mime vomiting into the trash can.

5a. i hope jack calls me. ball's in his court now. look at me. i'm not playing games. i have too much shit to deal with on the other end. i just need a distraction. or something.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

vomiting in public.

this is kinda awesome as well
www.adidas.com/adicolor

i like graphic design, i like sneakers and i like websites that are heaavy on flash(sort of).

it's bene really nice for the past few days here. thank GOD. the sun was out and yesterday greg and wendy cam eover and came into mjy house while iw as asleep on the bed and went to the roof and then we sat on the roof and we drank beer and talked and it was bice. finally, a fucking nice day. after about three hundred years of rain. if i heard someone make a fucking ark joke one more time i was going to kill.

here's another list of things. i prefer doing this in list format since i work way better making things in a list. etc.

1. my drug test at the chron was inconclusive/dilute so i had to take another one yesterday. i tried to flush my system the natural way and everyone is assuring me that i passed so ia m believing them. i had to talk to like 5 different people while i was waiting to go to HR and they all told me how happy they would be to have me work ther eand blah blah. and i vomited a little in my mouth and smiled through it. then i got a pep talk from mc and then went to take the drug test. the end.

2. i have a mini crush on jack the paralegal who comes into peets all the time. i have been bringing out the big guns, working the rapport etc but i am running out of time. i have been given a variety of suggestions in how to ask him out, including but not limited to slipping a note in the bag with his bagel and just asking him to get a drink with me/go to wendy's birthday party this weekend. i vomited quietly ino a garbage can at the thought of all of these things. most likely none of this will happen, since i am not going to ask him out and there's just no way.

3. i cou;d've done away with the list format and merely just had paragraphs. oh well.

4. thank god toto is on the regis and kelly show.

5. the weather is getting nicer, i might have a jobn at the chron so it looks like things are on the up and up. and dave will be coming back to the united states in a month or so.

i don't even know anymore. i really dont.

Monday, April 17, 2006

thank god

this book cracks me the fuck up,
i remember reading about it when it first came out and now it's out and available on the internet in full. i kind of want to raise my kids this way, complete with sgt. pepper jacket and wacky hippie hubby.

www.itsjustaplant.com

Saturday, April 15, 2006

good shit

here is another list.

things i like right now.

1. fafi: www.fafi.net
a hilarious, interesting, creepy graff artist.she's french and writes in broken english on her website and she shows at a really great gallery that i have been getting email alerts from for like 5 years called sixspace in LA. there is one of her crazy ladies painted near upper playground on fillmore. love her.
2. the blanket i knitted.
3. my apartment and my gardenia scented castle.
4. my new haircut
5. kidrobot, which is a store that fulfills my desire for kitschy, vaguely subversive cartoony art from japan etc.
6. shaina's new voluminous haircut.
7. the fact that lindsay lohan is on snl right now and she's a fucking retard.
8. fin.

wow

i got a really expensive haircut yesterday. it is precious. but expensive and i fear it makes me look like a lezzie. but i am sure it doesn't. so that's fine.

the aftermath of the drug test was sort of a nightmare. the detox shit that i was told to take by everyone made me pee for days. my pee was bright yellow. and apparently i peaked while i was sitting in the clinic waiting to go pee in a cup. i had to pee so bad that i nearly vomited and i was shaking and sweating like a stuck pig. the kindloy nurse practicitioner obviously thought i was a crackhead/recovering meth addict beccause she looked at me like i was crazy. as she should have, because i looked a fuccking mess. then i peed in a cup for like 20 minutes because THAT'S HOW MUCH URINE I HAD IN MJY SYSTEM. ew x 10884. lightened of my load, i skipped merrily off to meet my mother at loehmanns where i listlessly rejected almost every item of clothing she tried to purchase and then ate some sushi with her and then went home.

all in all, it was a productive day.

that detox shit is still working it's way through my system if you know what i mean.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

so this one time

hi,

i got a job at the chronicle.
THANK. FUCKING. GOD.
i went in for the interview today and she was like um so what if i were to offer you a position today, and i sad well i'd say yes, and then she was like um ok. here you go. and i felt the weight of the entire world off my chest. i have been acting like a silly goose and now i have a job. just have to do the following.

1. pass the pee test! too bad i smoke pot. oops. i have some nasty detox shit that looks fucking raunch and i have to drink an hour and a half before the thing tomorrow and that is not really something i'm looking forward to. mc says i'm goign to shit my brains out and have to pee so bad i'll look like a fucking crackhead. that's cool.

2. work one more week at hell/peets.

3. purchase an edgy yet mildly conservative wardrobe of business casual clothes ccentered around attractive flats with a mini wedge and various cute blouses with peter pan collars.

i'm watching sex and the city and it's one of the earlier ones when carrie is still with big, like in the very beginning and she's got awful late 90's hair and some nasty silver eyeshadow.

Monday, April 10, 2006

sarah you better be reading this

well.
i didn't think i'd be doing this again for a long time.
here is a list. i like lists.
1. i have moved to an apartment with mary clair in which i have an adorable room, a fantastic kitchen and two of the most neurotic downstairs neighbors in the entire world. they can hear everything i do and i feel like i'm living in a dorm again.
2. i continue the search for real employment and i rapidly lose hope in the fact that i will become employed at a professional organization.
2a. what is wrong with me? do i interview poorly? do i smell? maybe the fact that i was DYING OF THE FLU last tuesday is why i did not get hired at the one place.
3. there are earthquakes in california. this scares me more than anything.
4. i didn't realize that i resent the succcess of my friends.
5. i have been searching in vain for the last vicodin i saved from my dental work and i am saddened to say that i think it got lost in the move. this news saddens me more than you may know.
6. i took a 6 hour nap today because i was so fucking tired. now i feel like it's 7:00 at night and it's really almost midnight.
7. i smell like coffee almost all the time. i don't like coffee very much.
8. i have learned not to look a gift horse in the mouth. if only i hadn't fucked shit up at the jewelry company.
9. i have a headache.
10. someone should discover this blog, decide i'm witty, fantastic and hilarious, and then publish it and me, consequentally ending my job hunt and making it so that i can work from home while sipping tea out of a chipped thrift store mug and tapping effervescently at my computer.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

oops

oops. i'm in california now.
it took me a while and there was a huge ass roadtrip that i cannot even begin to document but will put pictures up soon and then i will discuss and yeah.
also i live at my fucking mother's house and i work at peets in the ferry building. my house makes me want to die.
anyone have a place for me?
:(

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

why

please.
just kill me before i make it to my mother's house.
i have so much shit to do in the next 5 days, my house is in a shambles, and i stil have to work four more shifts at that stupid godforsaken restaurant. i will be so happy when tealuxe is all done with. i hate that job. with my soul. i hate it. hate. IT.
oh god. ew
i have to go to work in a few and i think that is what is fueling the hatred, but the fact of the matter is that i actually really do dislike it. i cannot wait until i am living somewhere else, with a new job, like an adult job! hopefully the concept of an adult job is not just a pipe dream, and i'll actually get one.
in a week or so i will be california bound!
on the road! with kyle and wendy! and it's going to be kind of strange to be back in cali again. but i think i will lmake it. there are people out there that i like, i think, and there are peole out there who i am friends with, or who i was friends with, and most importantly i will be able to get the fuck out of my mother's house as soon as possible thanks to camille ruth travis and her ingenuitty in the world of apartment hunting. once we find a place to live, we should be all set.
FUCK PACKING.

Monday, August 08, 2005

oopsie

it has been nearly a month since i did this shit.
oh well.
it's the motherfucking countdown time to the time for me to get out of boston.
instead of flying, i am going on one last hurrah, a road trip with wendy and kyle. that will be fun, althought we have to camp, which is something i am less than thrilled about, but i will find some way to survive i am sure.
i have not done jack shit in the way of packing up this apartment or even starting to think about packing or anything.
i have a huge list of shit that i want to do tomorrow but there is a damn good chance i am just gonna say fuck it and go to the beach for one last time. i have to maintain this tan somehow. i have no idea how. but i must. it is imperative.
i'm hungry. almost time to go get my fat ass a chicken parm sub and some ice cream. god i'm lame sometimes.
oh well.
the thought of packing makes me hyperventilate. kelly is going to come over and sit on the bed and help me so that will be good, but it's just so fucking hot here. august is a rough month, i completely forgot.
it will be temperate in the bay area. that is good.
also, it will be..i don't know, better somehow, right?
nice weather, free food, free rent. whatever. i mean, i doubt that it will be better but it will be mediocre. i don't know. there won't be any snow. what am i going to do without seasons?
I WON'T SEE THE LEAVES CHANGE COLORS.
oh god iam really an east coast girl at heart. this transition will be slightly rougher than before, i feel.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

peanut m&m's are fantastic!

sooo
i am freaking out sorta kinda about moving back to california. i don't like thinking about it, itt make me angry/sad/scared/etc. i have no job, no apartment and the prospect of living with my mother for a month makes me want to gouge my eyes out. oh well at least the weather will be nice and there won't be any FUCKING SNOW GODDAMMIT. i will be happy if i don't see snow for like 3 years. actually that's not true, come winter time i am going to be sobbing hysterically for the snow covered boston streets. oh god. i really like the east coast. it's shit like this that makes me wonder what the fuck i am even doing moving back to the west side. i don't think i like it that much. granted, the last time i lived there i was about 17 years old and unable to drink, didn't smoke pot, and was kind of lame in general. things are different this time around. i will have friends from boston coming with me and that will make a world of difference. also, gregory j. hastings will be joining me and so will camille travis. and these people make me soooo happy i can't even tell you. i want greg to slut it up good in san fran, and camille needs to get back in my life cause i have not seen that girl in a minute.
good will hunting is on TV. i love this movie. and i love tv.
i have a problem i think. a tv/celebrity problem.
oh well.
i have that one song stuck in my head that goes like this: "are we in looooooove or juuuust friends/is this my beginning or is this the ennnnd(is this the end)"
WHY GOD.
ugh.
whatevs.

Friday, July 08, 2005

ooh boston why you gotta be so cold

hello.
it's july. the middle of july in fact. and due to the fucking hurricane whoevs, it is freezing outside. i feel like i just made a post about this but you know what i am going to say it again.
the andy milonakis show is on TV right now, and it is not that funny. this kid is really annoying.
HOWEVER the most hilarious/best show on TV right now is being bobby motherfucking brown. good LORD that show is great. whitney? whitney wearing a white macrame top and dancing to a muzak version of "sir duke" in the lobby of the atlantis resort in the bahamas with bobby? perfection. bobby getting wasted at a chinese restaurant in london and then almost acting like he's gonna beat whitney's ass again when she talks about his kids? fantastic. AND my personal favorite: whitney and bobby in the gift shop of the hyatt in atlanta. whitney is trying on sunglasses. they dance.
i died.
god i love reality television.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

resolved.

headphone issue taken care of!
got fantastic new ones.
however as a result of the charming weather system with the middle american name, it is 62 degrees outside in the middle of july. i'm wearing a sweatshirt for christ's sake.
oh boston. it's better than seven hudnred degree humidity i suppose.
i am a bit disjointed these days. i don't know if that's even the word i mean, but i'm stressed out about moving across the country. i have gotten nothing done in that regard. i have to arrange for a television and a bed to either be sold or moved across the country. i am not sure how excited i am about moving to california all of a sudden. high school was fine, i suppose but i don't really remember it due to the activities afterwards. oh short term memory, i am sure it was nice while it lasted...
in any case, i have no idea anymore. this whole after college thing feels really scary all of a sudden.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

headphones and my life

OH GOD.
i have some sort of fucked up electronics issue because i simply cannot choose headphones.
i have been having problems with my in-ear buds because they are retarded and one ear is going again, like it used to be. so i am faced with the fact that i have to get new ones. and this time, i am not fucking around. i want huge ass headphones that will cancel out all noise, and that will render me deaf to the influences of the outside world. i like that. when my father asked me wy on earth i would want that, i stated simply that with my old earbuds, it was kind of annoying becauuse people woudl assume that i could hear them when really, that was not the case at all. in fact, i was pretty much deaf, and then i would seem rude when they tried to talk to me.
IN ANY CASE. before seeing war of the worlds with wendy, i went to best buy and purcahsed a pair of sony mdr-v150s or some shit. i dont remember. and i like the way they look, which is important, since i am vain like that, BUT upon trying them out which is what i am doing right now, they do not work as well as i would like. in fact, they are not completley closed ear. they let in some ambient sound and etc. and thhat is not ok. i want big ass headphones that are going to cover half of my face. i have been feverishly researching headphones online and have narrowed it down to the sennhesier hd 202s. i am obviously not well. but once this headphone issue is resolved i will be all set.
why are these headphones getting hot on my head? does that make any sense?
goood lord. i think i am a bit punchy today. wtf x 10.
in any case enough out of my ass.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

rosie o'donnell

holy crap
rosie o'donnell's blog is horrible/hilarious/funny/sad.
and jenny and i are going to the beach tomorrow at manchester by the sea. we are waking up very early.
also i am watching rachel bilson on tv and she is a fucking idiot.
thank god i went to college!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

i hate having people over

i have no idea what's wrong with me.
and let it be known that this is the first time in which i felt compelled to post. oh god kill me etc.
i dont know, but i really really really like having my privacy. i have lived by myself for the past two years and it has been incredible. there was a brief time i lived with dave and i don't even count that as living with someone. that was living by bmyself, but better, as i consider him at this point an extension of myself.
in any case: living by myself is fucking fantastic. my apartment is amazing. i like my tv. i like my computer. i like the internet, i like reading, i like playing video games and smoking a bowl and then reading and i like doing all of this withou feeling the incessant need to entertain/pay attention to someone else. people sit in my bed and they fuck up the covers and they touch stuff and i hate it. i sound like a cunt, and i'm not i swear, it's just that after two weeks of not being able to be where it is taht i want to be, it's nice to have that option available to me. and now it is.
those monistat commercials for chafing gel are really fucking gross. and thank god for this rerun of the season finale of america's next top model from the second season. it is the only thing getting me through.

Monday, June 27, 2005

oh god

holy crap it's hot here. i'm looking at the little weather widget on dashboard, and it is telling me that it is currently 75 outside. and it's 1:30 in the morning. fuck that.
is it bad that i want to be a famous blogger?
i was reading go fug yourself, and it is seriously the most hilarious thing ever. if only...
my life has come to wishing i was an internet celebrity. we all knew it would come to this.

hello

had to get some things taken care of first. and now my life is in a way better place, mainly due to the one piece of nerdiness=NEW COMPUTER.
after my old one brok about three hundred time,s, i had to talk to apple on the phone for like ten years, and they finally were like hey, you know what, i think you get a new computer. and i said hey, that sounds like a really good idea. and lo and behold. i have a new computer. it's beautiful, wonderful and everything i have ever asked for and more.

now i have to get my life in order somehow. first matter: moving to california. then getting a job, then finding an apartment, then convincing/hoping on a wing and a prayer tha tdave moves in with me.
god. this is not looking so good so far.
we shall see, as he and i are so fond of saying.
enough. it's too hot here.

hello

had to get some things taken care of first. and now my life is in a way better place, mainly due to the one piece of nerdiness=NEW COMPUTER.
after my old one brok about three hundred time,s, i had to talk to apple on the phone for like ten years, and they finally were like hey, you know what, i think you get a new computer. and i said hey, that sounds like a really good idea. and lo and behold. i have a new computer. it's beautiful, wonderful and everything i have ever asked for and more.

now i have to get my life in order somehow. first matter: moving to california. then getting a job, then finding an apartment, then convincing/hoping on a wing and a prayer tha tdave moves in with me.
god. this is not looking so good so far.
we shall see, as he and i are so fond of saying.
enough. it's too hot here.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

?!?

whoopsie.
graduation is done.
i am an official college graduate. now i am a working stiff at tealuxe and am looking for a place to live in san francisco. i think. i am very uncomfortable with putting any sort of definition on the next couple of months. i don't know what i want to do or where i want to live and so i don't like talking abotu it. it makes me hyperventilate and i have to open the windows and wash my face. now it's here and i have no idea what i'm going to do but i don't have much money and it's gray outside STILL GODDAMMIT BOSTON HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF JUNE~!!

the weather widget tells me that it will be in the 70's all week and i have yet to see any promise of that.