i hate having people over

i have no idea what's wrong with me.
and let it be known that this is the first time in which i felt compelled to post. oh god kill me etc.
i dont know, but i really really really like having my privacy. i have lived by myself for the past two years and it has been incredible. there was a brief time i lived with dave and i don't even count that as living with someone. that was living by bmyself, but better, as i consider him at this point an extension of myself.
in any case: living by myself is fucking fantastic. my apartment is amazing. i like my tv. i like my computer. i like the internet, i like reading, i like playing video games and smoking a bowl and then reading and i like doing all of this withou feeling the incessant need to entertain/pay attention to someone else. people sit in my bed and they fuck up the covers and they touch stuff and i hate it. i sound like a cunt, and i'm not i swear, it's just that after two weeks of not being able to be where it is taht i want to be, it's nice to have that option available to me. and now it is.
those monistat commercials for chafing gel are really fucking gross. and thank god for this rerun of the season finale of america's next top model from the second season. it is the only thing getting me through.

oh god

holy crap it's hot here. i'm looking at the little weather widget on dashboard, and it is telling me that it is currently 75 outside. and it's 1:30 in the morning. fuck that.
is it bad that i want to be a famous blogger?
i was reading go fug yourself, and it is seriously the most hilarious thing ever. if only...
my life has come to wishing i was an internet celebrity. we all knew it would come to this.

hello

had to get some things taken care of first. and now my life is in a way better place, mainly due to the one piece of nerdiness=NEW COMPUTER.
after my old one brok about three hundred time,s, i had to talk to apple on the phone for like ten years, and they finally were like hey, you know what, i think you get a new computer. and i said hey, that sounds like a really good idea. and lo and behold. i have a new computer. it's beautiful, wonderful and everything i have ever asked for and more.

now i have to get my life in order somehow. first matter: moving to california. then getting a job, then finding an apartment, then convincing/hoping on a wing and a prayer tha tdave moves in with me.
god. this is not looking so good so far.
we shall see, as he and i are so fond of saying.
enough. it's too hot here.

hello

had to get some things taken care of first. and now my life is in a way better place, mainly due to the one piece of nerdiness=NEW COMPUTER.
after my old one brok about three hundred time,s, i had to talk to apple on the phone for like ten years, and they finally were like hey, you know what, i think you get a new computer. and i said hey, that sounds like a really good idea. and lo and behold. i have a new computer. it's beautiful, wonderful and everything i have ever asked for and more.

now i have to get my life in order somehow. first matter: moving to california. then getting a job, then finding an apartment, then convincing/hoping on a wing and a prayer tha tdave moves in with me.
god. this is not looking so good so far.
we shall see, as he and i are so fond of saying.
enough. it's too hot here.

?!?

whoopsie.
graduation is done.
i am an official college graduate. now i am a working stiff at tealuxe and am looking for a place to live in san francisco. i think. i am very uncomfortable with putting any sort of definition on the next couple of months. i don't know what i want to do or where i want to live and so i don't like talking abotu it. it makes me hyperventilate and i have to open the windows and wash my face. now it's here and i have no idea what i'm going to do but i don't have much money and it's gray outside STILL GODDAMMIT BOSTON HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF JUNE~!!

the weather widget tells me that it will be in the 70's all week and i have yet to see any promise of that.

my word

hackers is a great film. i am watching it right now as greg slumbers peacefully on the couch and my sister breathes phlegmatically next to me in bed. we are ready for my mother's arrival. it is going to be hell.
i can't even think about it.
i went to a really awkward work party today, and apparently one of my friends who is really fucked up is getting engaged. to her bf. who is also really fucked up. seriously, what is this world coming to?

one week

i graduate in one week. greg finished his last painting this morning sometime, in a frenzy of text messages and adderall. he was exhausted, but he said that my name was in there, and that made me very happy. i am glad that i was a part of his work, as he has been a huge part of my life this year, getting me through all the shit or whatever.
i went to therapy today and rebecca was like "you know, you need to calm down. do something to calm down." i feared she was going to suggest yoga, and i remember contemplating wanting to do yoga for a while. i don't know about that anymore. yoga is kind of silly. i understand that it's really good for you physically and i suppose spiritually but it is really not my thing. some skinny bitch standing in front of me telling me to breathe deep and whatever. the one and only time i went to a yoga class, i wanted to leave immediately. unfortunately, it seems that they get nervous if you leave during the movements. i don't want to disturb the others.

on the way home from teh train the other day, i looked in the window of that shabby pet store. there was a cage with a huge pile of ferrets, and one of them had its little slinky head/body draped over the edge of his food/litter dish like a mink stole. i nearly vomited. ferrets disgust/frighten me.

that's a lot of slashes. what am i, 16?

jaffa cakes for all!

i picked my sister up from the airport last night. she was bedraggled, tired and full of fun filled treats and surprises, like jaffa cakes. mmm jaffa cakes. i just had one. they are good.
she came home and passed out on the couch, apparently very happy to have returned to the television, which is something that i can understand very much. when i came home from work the television was on the food channel. jenny cracks my shit up.

it's mother's day. call your mother. i will be calling my crazy ass mom in a few, but i really cannot deal with her. jenny and i are going to prepare the house for her arrival on thursday. this will include a lot of scrubbing down of various surfaces, laundry, emptying out the nasty ass fridge, throwing shit away and probably smoking all the pot that i have in my possession at this time. granted, it is not a lot, but still. i feel like i'm 16 and in high school, but in reality i'm graduating from college in a week.
oh man.

ah excrement

this post will be about the scene that i discovered yesterday afternoon befor and after a delightful lunch with greg and porter.
on my way out of the house, there was a large man in shorts passed out on his back breathing heavily with his eyes closed, possibly in the throes of a heart attack or some other horrible thing. being a good citizen, i went to call the ambulance, but saw that someone else had, and went on my way, after making sure that the paramedics were taking care of him.
i then went to vic's and had a nice lunch with greg and porter and then walked home. upon arrival at my house, the man was gone, and the front door to the vestibule where the doorbells are was opened. there also appeared to be something near the front door, but i wasn't sure what.
i went inside, and recoiled instantly from teh smell.
sitting in front of my front door was a pile of human shit, smeared on the rug and on the edge of the door, next to 2 pairs of socks, rolled up. inside the vestibule. there was a plastic garbage bag stuffed between the door, as if to hold it open.
the smell was overwhelmingly horrible. greg, porter and i nearly threw up. porter had to carry her bike in and we sort of left her down there alone. it waas hilarious/really traumatizing.

"for the boys" is on right now, and i remember watching this movie as a child. cracks me up. oh bette midler.

oh well

well i went to my for real last class of college today. it wasn't even a real class but i went to get a paper back and i did all right and blah blah, i dont care anymore.college and i are finished. end of story.
i am going to talk to sam and cher about grad school however, becuase sam went to the grad school that i want to go to, and he isaid it was like a roach motel: easy to get into, but hard to get out of. that makes me sort of happy.
i dont know.
shit isn't necessarily going the way i would like it to go at this stage in my life but you know what i guess that's the point. i'm looking for jobs in seattle. ii will start sending resumes out at the beginning of june and keep my fingers crossed from there. soon i will have eto start looking for apartments, then i will have to get a plane ticket and then i will be out there. perhaps i am fucking retarded for doing this without us even being back together, but i can do the pacific northwest for a while. it's a change of pace. and i could alwya suse a fucking change of pace.

the master plan of the lesbian bent on seduction

i am not the lesbian in question in the title. i am watching a semi-hilarious documentary on these two old lesbian activists. its charming. there are a lot of really awkward sepia toned reenactments of young girls pretending to be lesbians in the fifties. it's very odd.

in any case: i had a blast from the past today and hung out with amy and lauren. it was nice to see them, and the good thing about hanging out with people from high school is that while you always think it is going to be really awkward, it ineveitably ends up not being so at all. i dont know, it was just like we had always seen each other. it worked.

i need to start reading more. i should turn off the TV. some day.

seriously.

i have to go to sleep soon.
i have to work at 8:30 in the morning. kati got out of the hospital. tiger is fantastic. i love everything about it, and i want to learn stuff so that i can do stuff with my computer. i am really tired now, and am looking at an absolutely hideous clock that is on my desktop now. these have been the most dorkiest and pathetic posts of all time. i'm actually just burnt out/stoned now, and i don't know what ot do about that except go to bed. that is what i'll do.
thank you and goodnight.

ohhhh boy

well it looks like i got this shit all figured out. thank god for tiger. i hope this works. seriously.

being stoned makes for cryptic times. oh well. no one reads this anyway.

wow.

you know, i didn't think that i would actually update this at all. maybe now that i am out of college and living the high life i will have much more time on my hands. the leisured life, etc.
yeah right.
well i am on a crusade to get out of my house more often, i.e every day for at least a couple of hours while it is daylight. i did that today and looked at shoes. i did not buy any shoes, but i am planning on telling my mother a large variety of items to purchase for me as graduation presents. that is what happens. when you achieve huge milestones, you get meaningless things that will become unnecessary and unimportant in a few years. unless you can sell them to pay off your student loans.
ew. i really don't want to become someone who has one of these motherfuckers on all the time and is all about updating them and whatever.
i am such a dork that i don't even care anymore. the older that i get, the less it matters.
tiger is on its way to my house thank god. as a result, i will be geeking out all day tomorrow after work.
i cannot believe i just typed that sentence.

huh

so this is a bit odd. haven't done this in a while. huh. not sure if i am ok with this.

well i am just using blogger instead of LJ because i do not enjoy the various communities of screaming idiots/morons/emerson college students.
who knows.
i may not keep this up, but probably i will, or you know probably not. we'll see. i have just finished college. i am goign t be doing some shit with somet hings, and it is probably going to be a bit dramatic/not ok/i can't even imagine. we'll see. lots of shit has changed, and a lot of shit is changing and its a very confusing time. this is not stuff that is new to anyone, i imagine, but lord only knows who it is that is reading this so fuck that. you know?
ok i am definitely finished rambling.