NOT HERE BITCHES.

attention to the three people who read this:
The new hotness is right over here

Thank you for your attention.

new leaf again!

I would direct all further attention to trashyornot.blogspot.com. That is where my musins and the musings of my friends re: life, things that are trashy and things that are not trashy are. Maybe every now and then I will update this thing. In fact, here is a new list to go with the list that I made previously, just now.

1. I am unemployed!
2. I am unemployed!
3. Being unemployed is kinda great.

I am contemplating deleting this entire thing, changing its title to something quippy re: unemployment and doing some writing re: what it's like. This will be my book deal. This will be the way that I can talk to someone/something without actually talking. I like to talk, a lot, and it's hard when you ahve to go every single day without talking to people. That's really fucking strange in fact. You try it. Maybe it's ok for others. For me, I talk enough for about 5 people, so to have my only interactions be with people in the yarn store and an over-friendly librarian is kind of unnerving.

Stay tuned, bitches. This is where shit starts to get really interesting.

new leaf bitches.

Well.
Times have changed. I am going to do this a little more than just sporadically, if not only to please my meager audience but because might as well.

Here is a comprehensive list detailing things about me that have changed and that are good.

1. I am no longer in love with Dave.
2. I am a traffic manager at a marketing agency.
3. I live in an adorable apartment near the Full House houses with Mary Clair.
4. I will be 25 soon.
5. I don't mind and even like San Francisco.
5a. I have lived here for almost two years.
6. I have been camping a bunch and it's not that bad.
7. I don't suck at knitting, life or my job.
8. I'm a little calmer these days.
9. See #1. It's the most important and the impetus for my life's turnaround.

I am indeed no longer in love with Dave. Unfortunately, it seems like that is the biggest event in my life since the moment I discovered that I was in love with him. With this revelation comes all sorts of shit but it feels weird and good. Shaky. I feel like I'm about to give a big speech in front of everyone I've ever known about something I don't know about. I might throw up later. I probably won't but it's a consideration. This is better than shoving live badgers up my nose, that's for sure. This is pretty great.

We forge ahead.

optimism?

is it possible?

i came to the realization today that i am way too trusting of others, especially because i believe that at the heart, people are out to fuck you in the ass as hard as they can, with a dildo the size of your forearm. this worries me. perhaps i should work on changing my world view. would i still be me?

also, i got a new job. i start on monday. possibly my life will be that much more entertaining and awesome and i will update this piece of shit way more with photos! and stuff.

new year

well.

i am really bad at this. i should just do this from work, as it will be much more full of vitriol and all that shit. when i'm home i'm relaxed. i'm watching wife swap. i'm drinking tea, and not that angry. well, i'm always a little angry, but you know. not in a dehibilitating fashion.

as i got what felt like my seven hundredth job rejection today, i contemplated briefly writing a little 100 word chronicle of the entire interview process from start to tragic demise. i should've gotten this burst of genius when i started applying but tough titties as they say. i could start with this latest rejection, but then what's the point? i was going to start posting them on this here blog, and then i had the idea on the bus to just start from scratch with this blog shit and then make a whole new blog based on my quest for employment. that could be fun right?


or i could just be totes lame and start a knitting blog. but that is no fun for anyone. at all. as that involves time, effort, and a lot of nerdiness that i don't have the energy for.

i am going to go knit right now. and maybe write about my interview process. this could be quite interesting. i was trying to figure out if there is some sort of number or percentage or ratio that denotes hireability. i figured out that i have applied for at least 50 jobs in the entire time that i have been looking, i've gone on maybe 30 interviews, and i have gotten 2 offers. that includes the job that currently employs me. i dont know what this works out to, but i think it doesn't look good.

also i am irrational, often.

that is all.

not ready for this

arg.

i could turn this into a half assed knitting blog. that's all i've been reading recently because apparently, i am obsessed with knitting. i found myself on the phone to my sister in new york directing her urgently to a yarn barn so she could get me shit for my birthday. i'm telling you, i'm not ok.

UMMMMM
lets see. well. sf is the same after a year. it is almost birthday time which is depressing as it means i am now older, and blah blah and also i am older here which is something that i am working on adjusting to. wendy leaves in like two weeks to go cavort on a winery with porter, which leaves greg and mc and i.my little family dwindles rapidly with each day. i guess it's time for us to find more people, more friends, and to start putting roots down in this city. i'm obviously terrified to do so, since i haven't really, although the internship is a step in the right direction. all the places to put roots down here are unsatisfactory. there's nothing i care about deeply enough to commit to it fully. that could be a byproduct of the quarter life crisis which i and others are going through.

i went to the dentist a week ago and the dental hygenist hummed under her breath the whole time she cleaned my teeth. it was kind of hellish. and then i was told tha ti have really deep gum pockets and need to have them fixed immediately. i don't even know what that means, but i am sure it is gross and a result of my poor dentaly hygein
also i interivewed at chronicle books for wendy's job. let's hope i get it. helping to sell advertising at the san francisco chronicle is really bringing me down. and no, to my east coast affiliates, chronicle books and the chronicle are not related. one is hell and the other is slightly better.


le. fucking. sigh.

oh this old thing

hi.

well.
it's been a while again. god i suck. how am i ever going to dominate the internet if i don't update this thing?

anyway. let me provide a bulleted list of what's been going on in my life. i LOVE lists.
1. i got a haircut. it is short, choppy and i look like a hipster/power lesbian. scale of 1-10 it is like a 6. god i'm a tool.
2. SONIA WILL BE HERE AT THE END OF THE MONTH. THIS FILLS ME WITH GLEE. WE ARE GOING TO BIG SUR AND WE ARE GOIGN TO CAMP AND DRINK AND PLAY CELEBRITY!
3. the chornicle slowly wears away at my soul. with each passing day my youth dies a little more.
4. um! the bay bridge will be closed on our way back into the city. as i know jack shit about how to get anywhere, i am hoping that we will be able to make it home without probs as we will be cranky, stinky and wanting to die.
5. i love jeopardy.
6. this list is really not an update on my life but apparently mental diarrhea.


i'm over the list now.
oh.
i got an internship at a really intense non-prof called the kearny street workshop. they are an oganization for promoting asian americans in the arts and also promoting social justicce through art. usually i scoff at non-profs and think that they are mildly hilarious BUT i get to learn how to curate and i get to write shit for them and that makes me happy. i get to learn how to build websites too which makes me really nervous. in any case, this is an excellent opportunity because it means that i will be able to do something with my fucking brain. sitting at a desk at the chronicle makes me want to tear my hair out and i need something that lets me realize that i am a person, a smart one, with intelligence and ideas and visionary ideas about art and whatevs.

so that's pretty good. i had hoped that this internship would offer me a job but really they are tiny. and poor. so no job for me. i will continue to work for the man. my boss, who is the man i refer to, is an atrocious gentleman named hernan ponce who is, coincidentally, a total fucking ponce.

i had to go in the middle of writing this because tessa came and then a day and a half passed and now i have lost steam.

thank you and goodnight.

i had no idea

i went to the beach on saturday. we went to monterey. it was everything i could've hoped it to be, which isn't saying much since i had no prior expectations and had no idea what hte fuck was going on but nooo matter;

we rented a hilarious pt cruiser convertible that was the yuppiest thing i have ever seen in my entire life and also the most hilarious. i mean i can't even describe. i would look aat the thing parked in the parking lot and crack up. it looked so insouciant and cute. and hilarious.

anyway. ahem.

so we went to the beach and we fell asleep on the beach for like an hour and we thought it would be fine since it was sunny but breezy and not that warm.

we thought wrong.
greg and i were fried to a crisp. we then proceeded to eat gross food in carmel by the sea, and then drink good beer at the most amazing bar i've ever been in in santa cruz with kenny kahn, my crush from senior year of high school. then, in a delirious fog of aloe vera gel and sun exposure, we made it home in record time: 3 hours when the trip should've taken 1.5.

gooood times.

bay to breakers is this weekend. we will try to faithfully reproduce the carefree spirit of public drunkenness and good times that is marathon monday. as i look at the weather widget for san francisco, it tells me that it will rain on sunday. the exact day we have plans to be drinking heavily on greg's front stoop having a block party and watching naked elvises jog past.

bummer man.

ew i'm so cali it hurts.

ew i just said cali.

sarah: for you

i somehow managed to delete my entire ipod in the midst of reorganizing and getting ready to copy my whole ipod to my computer.

i thought i was cclearing the library but the ipod was really selected and silly fucking me i didn't look and then poof they were all gone. all. fucking gone. almost 3000 songs gone.

i thought i was going to cry but now i'm just really really mind numbingly angry at myself.

thankfully all my indie rock etc and shit i can get from greg. the rest i can scrape together from my old ipod which rests at my mother's house, out of batteries, but still containing all of my other musicc that greg wouldn't have.

thank fuccking god, but onloy a little bit.

i am so stupid. i am going to try and pass out and pretend like i didnt do this. in fact, i'll probably wake up and it will seem like i didn't do it.

the whole reason this happened is because the headphone jack broke on my ipod, they wanted me to send it in, and i was like, wait i need to get my music and they were like ok, and then that was it. the fuccking end.

and then this shit.

what an awesome week.

water balloons

thank god for showtime at the fucking apollo. it is the perfect thing to watch when you're kind of drunk but not really and you're in bed and all you want to do is read myspace and compose emails that you're never going to send.

another list.
1. water balloons are probably the most hilarious thing to incorporate into a social situation.
2. olive oil makes for a very moist birthday cake.
3. you should be wary of loft parrties in soma where you don't know anyone and there's bad hard house playing in the kitchen.
4. camoflauge is hideous.
4a. not sure if i spelled that right.
5. on friday i bit the bullet and went to work and asked jack out. well, i gave him my number. we shot the shit for a second about stuff, like work and school and wherre we went to school and blah blah blah. i stood there with a wet rag in my hand and my apron hardly on. before he left, i said "hey jack. we should hang out sometime." his voice squeaked when he said "sure". it was adorable. i sprinted to thecounter, fumbled for something to write on and then scrawled my name and number. my hand was shaking. after this, i made some ccomment about god knows fucking what and then sprinted to the backroom where i proceeded to mime vomiting into the trash can.

5a. i hope jack calls me. ball's in his court now. look at me. i'm not playing games. i have too much shit to deal with on the other end. i just need a distraction. or something.

vomiting in public.

this is kinda awesome as well
www.adidas.com/adicolor

i like graphic design, i like sneakers and i like websites that are heaavy on flash(sort of).

it's bene really nice for the past few days here. thank GOD. the sun was out and yesterday greg and wendy cam eover and came into mjy house while iw as asleep on the bed and went to the roof and then we sat on the roof and we drank beer and talked and it was bice. finally, a fucking nice day. after about three hundred years of rain. if i heard someone make a fucking ark joke one more time i was going to kill.

here's another list of things. i prefer doing this in list format since i work way better making things in a list. etc.

1. my drug test at the chron was inconclusive/dilute so i had to take another one yesterday. i tried to flush my system the natural way and everyone is assuring me that i passed so ia m believing them. i had to talk to like 5 different people while i was waiting to go to HR and they all told me how happy they would be to have me work ther eand blah blah. and i vomited a little in my mouth and smiled through it. then i got a pep talk from mc and then went to take the drug test. the end.

2. i have a mini crush on jack the paralegal who comes into peets all the time. i have been bringing out the big guns, working the rapport etc but i am running out of time. i have been given a variety of suggestions in how to ask him out, including but not limited to slipping a note in the bag with his bagel and just asking him to get a drink with me/go to wendy's birthday party this weekend. i vomited quietly ino a garbage can at the thought of all of these things. most likely none of this will happen, since i am not going to ask him out and there's just no way.

3. i cou;d've done away with the list format and merely just had paragraphs. oh well.

4. thank god toto is on the regis and kelly show.

5. the weather is getting nicer, i might have a jobn at the chron so it looks like things are on the up and up. and dave will be coming back to the united states in a month or so.

i don't even know anymore. i really dont.

thank god

this book cracks me the fuck up,
i remember reading about it when it first came out and now it's out and available on the internet in full. i kind of want to raise my kids this way, complete with sgt. pepper jacket and wacky hippie hubby.

www.itsjustaplant.com

good shit

here is another list.

things i like right now.

1. fafi: www.fafi.net
a hilarious, interesting, creepy graff artist.she's french and writes in broken english on her website and she shows at a really great gallery that i have been getting email alerts from for like 5 years called sixspace in LA. there is one of her crazy ladies painted near upper playground on fillmore. love her.
2. the blanket i knitted.
3. my apartment and my gardenia scented castle.
4. my new haircut
5. kidrobot, which is a store that fulfills my desire for kitschy, vaguely subversive cartoony art from japan etc.
6. shaina's new voluminous haircut.
7. the fact that lindsay lohan is on snl right now and she's a fucking retard.
8. fin.

wow

i got a really expensive haircut yesterday. it is precious. but expensive and i fear it makes me look like a lezzie. but i am sure it doesn't. so that's fine.

the aftermath of the drug test was sort of a nightmare. the detox shit that i was told to take by everyone made me pee for days. my pee was bright yellow. and apparently i peaked while i was sitting in the clinic waiting to go pee in a cup. i had to pee so bad that i nearly vomited and i was shaking and sweating like a stuck pig. the kindloy nurse practicitioner obviously thought i was a crackhead/recovering meth addict beccause she looked at me like i was crazy. as she should have, because i looked a fuccking mess. then i peed in a cup for like 20 minutes because THAT'S HOW MUCH URINE I HAD IN MJY SYSTEM. ew x 10884. lightened of my load, i skipped merrily off to meet my mother at loehmanns where i listlessly rejected almost every item of clothing she tried to purchase and then ate some sushi with her and then went home.

all in all, it was a productive day.

that detox shit is still working it's way through my system if you know what i mean.

so this one time

hi,

i got a job at the chronicle.
THANK. FUCKING. GOD.
i went in for the interview today and she was like um so what if i were to offer you a position today, and i sad well i'd say yes, and then she was like um ok. here you go. and i felt the weight of the entire world off my chest. i have been acting like a silly goose and now i have a job. just have to do the following.

1. pass the pee test! too bad i smoke pot. oops. i have some nasty detox shit that looks fucking raunch and i have to drink an hour and a half before the thing tomorrow and that is not really something i'm looking forward to. mc says i'm goign to shit my brains out and have to pee so bad i'll look like a fucking crackhead. that's cool.

2. work one more week at hell/peets.

3. purchase an edgy yet mildly conservative wardrobe of business casual clothes ccentered around attractive flats with a mini wedge and various cute blouses with peter pan collars.

i'm watching sex and the city and it's one of the earlier ones when carrie is still with big, like in the very beginning and she's got awful late 90's hair and some nasty silver eyeshadow.

sarah you better be reading this

well.
i didn't think i'd be doing this again for a long time.
here is a list. i like lists.
1. i have moved to an apartment with mary clair in which i have an adorable room, a fantastic kitchen and two of the most neurotic downstairs neighbors in the entire world. they can hear everything i do and i feel like i'm living in a dorm again.
2. i continue the search for real employment and i rapidly lose hope in the fact that i will become employed at a professional organization.
2a. what is wrong with me? do i interview poorly? do i smell? maybe the fact that i was DYING OF THE FLU last tuesday is why i did not get hired at the one place.
3. there are earthquakes in california. this scares me more than anything.
4. i didn't realize that i resent the succcess of my friends.
5. i have been searching in vain for the last vicodin i saved from my dental work and i am saddened to say that i think it got lost in the move. this news saddens me more than you may know.
6. i took a 6 hour nap today because i was so fucking tired. now i feel like it's 7:00 at night and it's really almost midnight.
7. i smell like coffee almost all the time. i don't like coffee very much.
8. i have learned not to look a gift horse in the mouth. if only i hadn't fucked shit up at the jewelry company.
9. i have a headache.
10. someone should discover this blog, decide i'm witty, fantastic and hilarious, and then publish it and me, consequentally ending my job hunt and making it so that i can work from home while sipping tea out of a chipped thrift store mug and tapping effervescently at my computer.

oops

oops. i'm in california now.
it took me a while and there was a huge ass roadtrip that i cannot even begin to document but will put pictures up soon and then i will discuss and yeah.
also i live at my fucking mother's house and i work at peets in the ferry building. my house makes me want to die.
anyone have a place for me?
:(

why

please.
just kill me before i make it to my mother's house.
i have so much shit to do in the next 5 days, my house is in a shambles, and i stil have to work four more shifts at that stupid godforsaken restaurant. i will be so happy when tealuxe is all done with. i hate that job. with my soul. i hate it. hate. IT.
oh god. ew
i have to go to work in a few and i think that is what is fueling the hatred, but the fact of the matter is that i actually really do dislike it. i cannot wait until i am living somewhere else, with a new job, like an adult job! hopefully the concept of an adult job is not just a pipe dream, and i'll actually get one.
in a week or so i will be california bound!
on the road! with kyle and wendy! and it's going to be kind of strange to be back in cali again. but i think i will lmake it. there are people out there that i like, i think, and there are peole out there who i am friends with, or who i was friends with, and most importantly i will be able to get the fuck out of my mother's house as soon as possible thanks to camille ruth travis and her ingenuitty in the world of apartment hunting. once we find a place to live, we should be all set.
FUCK PACKING.

oopsie

it has been nearly a month since i did this shit.
oh well.
it's the motherfucking countdown time to the time for me to get out of boston.
instead of flying, i am going on one last hurrah, a road trip with wendy and kyle. that will be fun, althought we have to camp, which is something i am less than thrilled about, but i will find some way to survive i am sure.
i have not done jack shit in the way of packing up this apartment or even starting to think about packing or anything.
i have a huge list of shit that i want to do tomorrow but there is a damn good chance i am just gonna say fuck it and go to the beach for one last time. i have to maintain this tan somehow. i have no idea how. but i must. it is imperative.
i'm hungry. almost time to go get my fat ass a chicken parm sub and some ice cream. god i'm lame sometimes.
oh well.
the thought of packing makes me hyperventilate. kelly is going to come over and sit on the bed and help me so that will be good, but it's just so fucking hot here. august is a rough month, i completely forgot.
it will be temperate in the bay area. that is good.
also, it will be..i don't know, better somehow, right?
nice weather, free food, free rent. whatever. i mean, i doubt that it will be better but it will be mediocre. i don't know. there won't be any snow. what am i going to do without seasons?
I WON'T SEE THE LEAVES CHANGE COLORS.
oh god iam really an east coast girl at heart. this transition will be slightly rougher than before, i feel.

peanut m&m's are fantastic!

sooo
i am freaking out sorta kinda about moving back to california. i don't like thinking about it, itt make me angry/sad/scared/etc. i have no job, no apartment and the prospect of living with my mother for a month makes me want to gouge my eyes out. oh well at least the weather will be nice and there won't be any FUCKING SNOW GODDAMMIT. i will be happy if i don't see snow for like 3 years. actually that's not true, come winter time i am going to be sobbing hysterically for the snow covered boston streets. oh god. i really like the east coast. it's shit like this that makes me wonder what the fuck i am even doing moving back to the west side. i don't think i like it that much. granted, the last time i lived there i was about 17 years old and unable to drink, didn't smoke pot, and was kind of lame in general. things are different this time around. i will have friends from boston coming with me and that will make a world of difference. also, gregory j. hastings will be joining me and so will camille travis. and these people make me soooo happy i can't even tell you. i want greg to slut it up good in san fran, and camille needs to get back in my life cause i have not seen that girl in a minute.
good will hunting is on TV. i love this movie. and i love tv.
i have a problem i think. a tv/celebrity problem.
oh well.
i have that one song stuck in my head that goes like this: "are we in looooooove or juuuust friends/is this my beginning or is this the ennnnd(is this the end)"
WHY GOD.
ugh.
whatevs.